“I want to get rid of the fear that blocks me…”is a goal a coaching client often sets. And yet, what blocks the person is not the fear, it’s the fighting against the fear.
Fighting your fear takes a lot of your energy and disconnects you from your intuition, from seeing options, from being in flow. Your rational mind comes up with ways to separate and distract you from “it”, your fear. Most likely you developed coping mechanisms in the past but today those are not helping you anymore. As a result, you may be using other distractions, Netflix, food, alcohol, … anything to manage and numb the feelings and emotions associated with the fear.
And yet, the fear itself has little to do with the actual situation you’re facing – assuming it’s not a life-threatening situation. Fear is a reaction to past situations that you haven’t fully processed and learned to deal with. Consequently, fear is a great opportunity to learn to deal with past situations and integrate them within yourself.
To start that learning process, you have to feel not think. It is the limbic system in your body that triggers fear. Therefore the rational mind cannot resolve it since it has no connection to the limbic system.
However allow yourself to feel the sensations and emotions in your body, try to stay with them with curiosity, without interpretation or judgement, and you’ll notice a softening of the fear. In fact you’re beginning to accept and embrace your fear. As a result, you’ll start to experience a ‘felt sense’ of where the fear comes from and of options to respond to the situation. You will become calmer, more energetic and connected to your intuition.
This learning process can be impossible to go through alone when the past experiences were very strong or traumatic. Then you’ll need to be with someone who makes you feel safe and unconditionally accepted and who can guide you through the learning process. That is often a coach or a therapist.
Everything has a rhythm in life. There’s the cycle of seasons, there’s day and night, there’s high and low tide. Our lungs and heart work to a rhythm, and our digestion moves in waves. So how could our brain be always “on”? Well, it can’t.
Neuroscientists tell us that our brain needs periods of activity and inactivity, focus and un-focus. During a working day, try a rhythm of 60-70 minutes concentrated effort and 10-15 minutes of letting the mind wander and relax – and you are sure to be more productive than trying to stay 100% focused all the time.
Yes, in this period of being totally fed up with the restrictions of the “new normal” it may sound cringeworthy to advocate positivity – but when you realize the beneficial effects of positivity on both your physical and mental health, it’s worth giving it a try.
Positive thinking doesn’t mean ignoring problems or denying that the current situation is difficult – it just means highlighting that there are also positives.
We don’t really like the term “work-life balance” – somehow it seems to imply that “work” is something else than “life” – and that “life” is somehow more desirable. Not true! Being passionate about your job is an important part of life and even a key element of your well-being.
Instead of separating your “work self” from your “life self”, create a balanced life where you consciously spend and recharge your energy in your unique mix of work, play, family and what else gives you meaning.
Here are five tips – sometimes small but important steps – towards a personal life balance:
Do you fall asleep at night, exhausted – just to wake up at 3:30am unable to fall back into sleep? Or toss and turn, unable to fall asleep in the evening? Do you truly feel rested and refreshed in the morning?
No? You’re not alone! Sleeping disorders are common, and I’m sure they are getting worse with the increased screen time of the Covid home-office period.
Would you like your whole team to get inspired to improve their sleep in this stressful period? Organize a series of Happy Hourswith us!
Here are some thoughts on how you can set yourself up for a good night’s sleep:
It is amazing what you can achieve with the help of some good coaching. Not that you need coaching because there is something wrong with you – as many people I encounter in business still think – but because you want to become your best self. Have you ever seen a top athlete or top performer without a coach?
Of course, you have to find a coach that is right for you. Here’s what worked for me and what I’m practicing as a coach.
You may be confused about leadership, or what is expect from a leader, or even shy away from using the word, because there are tons of descriptions for leadership but very few good definitions I’d say. Over the last years I came across twodefinitions that are very similar and that I find particularly enlightening:
We’re excited to announce our cooperation with Lappeenranta University of Technology in Finland, to deliver a program on leadership as part of the Continued Education and e-MBA program at the university
The program runs between March and June, 2021 in Helsinki and virtual. We’ll look at emerging organisation models, discuss what Leadership is and go in-depth in various aspects of Leading Self, Leading Others, Leading Teams. It will be an interesting mix with examples from different companies, discovery of new concepts, self-development and peer discussion. For more information visit LUT University.