“I want to get rid of the fear that blocks me…” is a goal a coaching client often sets.
And yet, what blocks the person is not the fear, it’s the fighting against the fear.
Fighting your fear takes a lot of your energy and disconnects you from your intuition, from seeing options, from being in flow. Your rational mind comes up with ways to separate and distract you from “it”, your fear. Most likely you developed coping mechanisms in the past but today those are not helping you anymore. As a result, you may be using other distractions, Netflix, food, alcohol, … anything to manage and numb the feelings and emotions associated with the fear.
And yet, the fear itself has little to do with the actual situation you’re facing – assuming it’s not a life-threatening situation. Fear is a reaction to past situations that you haven’t fully processed and learned to deal with. Consequently, fear is a great opportunity to learn to deal with past situations and integrate them within yourself.
To start that learning process, you have to feel not think. It is the limbic system in your body that triggers fear. Therefore the rational mind cannot resolve it since it has no connection to the limbic system.
However allow yourself to feel the sensations and emotions in your body, try to stay with them with curiosity, without interpretation or judgement, and you’ll notice a softening of the fear. In fact you’re beginning to accept and embrace your fear. As a result, you’ll start to experience a ‘felt sense’ of where the fear comes from and of options to respond to the situation. You will become calmer, more energetic and connected to your intuition.
This learning process can be impossible to go through alone when the past experiences were very strong or traumatic. Then you’ll need to be with someone who makes you feel safe and unconditionally accepted and who can guide you through the learning process. That is often a coach or a therapist.
